Anonymous asked: Been thinking about you and your fam. You don't have to answer this but out of curiosity how is your husband handling your pregnancy and the possibility of having a child with Down's Syndrome? Seeing what you write is so moving but I'm just curious if he feels the same way. I have a tumblr but I was too nervous to ask on my account :(
Aw, there is really no need for you to have went on anon. For some reason I’ve been very open about sharing my feelings towards the baby and what could be, and I never shared Jimmy’s feelings about it with the internet out of respect. But I did ask, and he’s okay with it.
When we first found out he was at risk for DS, Jimmy was angry. So angry that all he could do was hold me while I cried and cried, but when I would ask him how he felt he would just have a emotionless look on his face and tell me that he can’t talk about it, he’s too upset and not ready. We didn’t talk about it for a few weeks. When we went to the appointments and found out more news he would be very quiet and say a few short sentences afterwards on the drive home. It was really hard but I tried to be understanding.
A few days ago I broke down and we had a talk. Not about my concern with him being so closed up, but just about fearing, feeling guilt, and insecurity about raising a possible special needs child. He didn’t say much but what he did say was a huge leap forward from before. It went something along the lines of, “I don’t want us to be worrying constantly about whether or not he has it and focusing on that during the birth because it doesn’t matter. He is still our son and a diagnosis won’t change that. You’re gonna be a mom and I’m gonna be a dad and when I picture our son I don’t picture DS, but a baby that we will both fall in love with.” And that was that. Is he still angry? I’m not sure, maybe. But just knowing that he’s trying not to let it overcome his thoughts and he doesn’t look at our baby as a diagnosis has made it much easier for me because as much as it hurts to admit it, there were times when I didn’t feel like I was quite there yet. Sorry for the novel, but hopefully that answers your question.